The Profile...

Does one go the "happy go lucky" or "brutally honest" route when posting an online dating profile? Or "clever" ... is that the best option? The one thing I do *not* want is a profile that is full of what I think people want ... not full of who I am.  One of my biggest pet peeves is to read a profile and then meet a person and feel I've been duped - that the person in front of me has nothing in common with the person in the profile that caught my attention.  I'm petty enough that if a guy says he's 6'1" and I'm three inches taller than he is when we meet (and I'm in flats) - I'm *done*.  It's not the height - it's the dishonesty.  So my goal is to present a true picture of myself through my profile so that I am not misrepresenting anything and providing a "false image" to potential dates.

Below are a few options I've tried over the years and on which I would love feedback. :)

A) The Clever Approach (circa 2004):

Looking For My Knight in Tarnished Armor:
So what exactly is a tarnished-armored knight? Thought it was all about the shiny guys? No way - my knight is the nice guy that has a just a hint of the bad boy in him. Someone who has jumped into Life with both feet and isn't worried about getting a little bit dirty in the process. He's not looking for a prissy princess who's happy on her perfect pedestal. He's comfortable with the princess who's as likely to join in a game of football as she is to watch. He appreciates a woman who enjoys some level of pampering but doesn't always expect to be spoiled.My knight enjoys a good debate and won't get defensive simply because I have a different opinion. He recognizes my independent streak and my need to make my own mistakes. He is insightful enough to know when I need help slaying my dragons and when I need to tackle them on my own. He will be chivalrous enough to open doors for me from time to time, but isn't offended if I open one for myself. He appreciates my old-fashioned characteristics as much as my more liberal ones. He too is old-fashioned in some aspects of his personality, but isn't machismo personified. He is a strong man - strong in heart, strong loyalty, strong opinions, strong sense of himself. While we may not end up living "happily ever after," we may develop a new friendship. And is there ever anything wrong with increasing your circle of friends? So, while I'm not quite a damsel in distress ... I wouldn't refuse being "rescued" from being single.

B) The Blog Profile aka "short & sweet"(current):

I am a dreamer. Dreams are wonderful things...they can lift you up, motivate you, drive you forward. They can also come crashing down around you. The challenge is learning how to pick up those pieces, put them back together and dare to dream again.

C) For the short-attention span readers (current - OKCupid!):

What I am:
* smart
* funny
* creative (on good days)
* tall
* compassionate
* stubborn
* independent
* adventurous
* emotional (on my not-so-good days)
* tenderhearted
* tolerant
* open-minded (usually)
* a wanderer
* educated
* trusting (sometimes gullible)
* a klutz

What I am not:
* needy
* a game player (of the "mind game" variety, but I love kickball)
* a gourmet cook
* looking to be rescued
* mean-spirited
* a mother (ok - i *do* have 4-legged furry children)
* a snob
* a religious zealot
* an athlete (but i love to be active)

Note: you can see the whole thing at http://www.okcupid.com/profile/fullofadventure

D) The Sincere Approach (Match.com - current):

The best way to describe me is that at the end of my life I don't want to look back and say "I wish I had …" or "I should have …". A positive attitude, a love of adventure, an appreciation of the beauty surrounding me and a fun-loving attitude make sure that doesn't happen. Oh and cheese...cheese makes everything better.

I have a quirky sense of humor and am looking for someone who not only understands that, but can feed it with his own intelligent wit. I have been told I have a kind and compassionate heart. I'm also a "fixer" by nature. Maybe that's why I find myself so involved in volunteer work for a variety of organizations and causes. I'm also an animal lover. I'm the one who stops to help turtles get across the road safely.

I have my old-fashioned moments, with a dash of "modern girl" thrown in for a little kick. For instance, I like to feel "girly" and appreciate a door being held open for me; however, I also have a decent collection of power tools that I use to tackle random DIY projects around my house.

I am looking for someone who shares my sense of wonder at the world we live in. Someone who loves to travel - whether it be overseas or over in the next county (there's adventure to be found every day and everywhere). Someone who knows what chivalry is, but isn't intimidated by an independent woman(ok ... and just a little hard-headed at times).

I value my family and friends. I am blessed to have some amazing people in my life (some by choice, others by accident). I have a good life and am happy, I just am looking for the right man with whom to share it ... someone who makes my good life better.

Suffice it to say - none of these have been wildly successful.  ;)   (Also, please feel free to point out typos or grammatical errors that should be corrected.  My own pet peeve and yet I miss them most of the time in my own profile).

Tell me again why I do this?

About 8 months ago I signed up for Match.com.  I opted to do the 6-month plan (because they "guarantee" that one).  I made sure there was no auto-renewal setup.  And after 6-months ... I was still single. Now, I did everything they suggested.  I followed their suggestions on how to write a profile that was interesting, showed who I am, would encourage someone to contact me.  I posted several photos that I thought showed all of my personality "layers" or quirks.  I contacted the guys they picked as "matches" for me.  I emailed a lot of people. I did not get many replies, nor did I get many emails initiated by the guy.

So remind me again why I just signed myself up again for another 6 months of wondering "what's wrong with me" torture?  I think I'm a pretty great catch.  I am not desperate to get married, have kids, not-be-alone ... I'm pretty content with my life.  It would just be nice to have someone with whom I could share my Life Experiences.

What is so frustrating is that I feel like their are guys out there who would be a great match for me, but they are missing out on the opportunity to get to meet me - all because of something that's missing in my profile.  I can't figure out what that missing component is for the life of me.  What "hook" do I need to use?  This is how I feel on a good day.  On a not-so-good day it quickly turns into "what's wrong with *me*?", "am I not pretty enough?", "am I boring?", "am I too fat?" .... you get the idea.

Luckily - most days are good days and I just feel sorry for the guys that are missing out.  I mean we might meet and realize that we would never work in a romantic relationship, but would be great friends.  Or we might meet and realize "oh hell no" - it simply wasn't meant to be.  But isn't that the whole point of dating?  The more people you meet IN PERSON the better your chances are of finding the one that is "just right" for you.  You also learn the personality traits and characteristics on which you simply will not compromise.

You have to engage and interact and meet people OFFline in order to know what a real relationship will look like.  As much as I try to make my profile very candid, sincere and true to who I am - until you meet me in person you can't add in that last factor ... chemistry.  It's real and it matters.  Profiles are great ... but in person is better.

I just need to get someone to take the chance to meet me ... in person.

Well - I've got 6 months to try.   Wish me luck!

Rescue Me ...

Back in February 2008 I had attended a conference in San Antonio, TX for work.  The conference ended early afternoon and I had plans to go shopping with my Sister-In-Law.  I had a few hours to kill so I decided to do a bit of exploring.  Who knew what an adventure it would turn out to be.

Most people have heard of the Alamo.  What many don't know is that there are four other Mission Churches in San Antonio.  I am a life-long Texan and had never been to the other 4, so I decided that it was a great day to explore some Texas history and hopefully capture some really cool pictures.  I first went to Mission San José and was on my way to Mission Espada when I took a detour.

As I was making my way down a winding back Texas road, something caught my eye.  In the middle of the road (it split off to the right) was a small puppy wearing an oversized collar.  Turning left in the direction of said puppy was a large truck.  Luckily the truck saw the dog and slowed down.  I slammed on my brakes and ran out to the puppy.  He ran from me (but luckily ran into the grass).  I stayed on the side of the road, squatted down and waited.  Slowly, hesitantly, this little guy approached from behind.  When he was close enough I quickly snagged him by that too-big collar.  Ever hear a dog hiss?  This one did.  I didn't hesitate, just cuddled him up close to my chest and talked softly to him.  He went still and I could feel him relax his weight against me.

And then his tail slowly started to wag.

That was it.  My very first "official" rescue.  After that I noticed he had oozing sores on his hind legs, his head was bald, and he wouldn't stop scratching.  Mange.  His tummy was way to distended for a dog who was on his own at that age.  Worms.  He wasn't the best looking, fluffy kind of puppy.  Didn't matter - he was mine.

 

As I read descriptions of dogs in shelters (now that I seem to be deeply involved in dog rescue) I realize that had my Otis ended up in a shelter, he most likely never would have made it out.  He had mange and bad case of worms so he wasn't "cute".  Had someone taken pity on him and saved him as a puppy, they most likely would have returned him to a shelter or simply abandoned him.  Otis has many socialization problems (with dogs and people).  As Butch Cappel says, Otis need re-wiring.  Otis never learned to process his feelings (fear, excitement, anxiety, happiness, etc).  All of it comes out as "worked up" or anxious.  He does show "happy" when he is around people he trusts, but he is easily riled up and anxiety kicks in.  He has a strong fear-aggression behavior that we are working on.  He can't be easily introduced to new people - it takes patience and time on their part (and long pants, and walking out of a room backward, and not making eye contact).  The ones who have taken the time are rewarded with Otis' undying loyalty and his silly waggy tail and grin.  He does make me laugh. :)

The thought that my sweet Otis might not have made it to see his 4th birthday (this November) is why I work so hard to save all the other Otises (Oti??) out there.  The ones that are overlooked because they are not the cute, fluffy puppy.  The ones who seem shy in their cages, but who would blossom if just given a chance.  The ones who embody the term "underdog".  I've always been a sucker for the underdog and root hardest for them to win/succeed.

I love you Otis!

Possible Stepping-On-Toes Ahead. Proceed With Caution.

I'm going to apologize now for any toes I may step on, any feelings I might bruise, or any offense that may be taken.  That being said - I need to get this off my chest and I can't do it in my normally diplomatic way.  Please know that I'm not passing judgment on anyone and I do respect your opinions and feelings, but right now I need to scream...

The dogs make me sad too!! 

It makes me sad that there is a sweet dog that just gave birth to 9 precious puppies that will most likely find homes long before she does.

It makes me sad that there is another mama dog in boarding who led an animal control officer to where her pups were located because she was malnourished and couldn't keep her pups safe.   Her babies have been adopted - she is still waiting.

It makes me sad that dogs all over this country are being put into shelters because their owners have  "lifestyle change" or it's "too much responsibility" ... or best one yet - "moving." 

It makes me sad that pure-bred litters are dumped at a rescue.

It makes me sad that a dog is listed as un-adoptable simply because of it's breed. 

It makes me sad that thousands of dogs are euthanized in shelters across this country because they are out of room.  And that cycle doesn't ever stop - make room, run out of space, make room ....

It makes me sad that this problem isn't going away anytime soon as long as there is no legislation to shut down puppy mills.

It makes me sad that we have to be careful when we do adopt dogs out because there are people out there looking for cheap bait dogs.

It makes me sad that because it's uncomfortable to look at people choose to look away.

It makes me sad that people keep buying that adorable little puppy - rather than adopting the sweet, loving and loyal 1-2 year old.

It makes me sad that there simply aren't enough homes and people willing to help to save them all.

It makes me sad - so I try to do something to help the dogs find happiness.

It makes me sad that I can't do more.

And then comes a message from someone who is so thankful for their newly adopted dog and how blessed they feel to have found them, or the friend who out of nowhere offers to help you pay for surgery for your rescued dog, or an anonymous donation of food and toys, or the pic of a small child placing a loving kiss on a pitbull's head, or the news that one more got adopted today - and the sadness goes away and is replaced with the motivation to continue on.

I don't judge.  I don't place blame.  I'm not trying to point fingers.  I don't think less of anyone.  I get it.  I change the channel when the ASPCA commercials come on too. 

All I ask is if you choose to not look at it, please don't ignore it.  If you have pets, please spay/neuter them.  If you are considering a new fur-friend for your family - please check PetFinder, your local shelter, rescue groups, etc rather than buying.  Consider a happy and healthy older dog instead of a puppy. 

And one day all the dog pics will be ones everyone wants to see because it makes them happy.