What do you want to be when you grow up?

I've been asking myself that question for a very long time.  I've run the gamut - everything from veterinarian, to dentist, to landscape architect.  Each time I get really excited about this new direction, do lots of research, talk a bit game ... and then *pffft* ... it fizzles.   I was sure I had found *THE THING* a while back when I ran across a blog that talked about being a Garden Historian.  That pretty much summed up what I wanted to do at that time.  The stumbling block for that path came in the form of no school in the United States offers this type of Graduate degree.  Sure - I could pack up move my two crazy dogs and go to the UK, but wasn't financially feasible.  So I went back to the drawing board.

Then I thought I'd bite the bullet and go for a MLA from Texas A&M University and get a Historic Preservation graduate certificate to go along with it for good measure.  An MLA is expensive and really way beyond the scope of what I was dreaming up in my head.  It just wasn't the right fit ... again.  I have realized that part of the problem is that I'm not really sure how to define what I want to do post graduate school.  What kind of job do I want?  What kind of life am I hoping for?  What kind of impact do I hope to have on ... well on anything?  Am I just bored with my life and looking for something/anything that isn't what I'm doing now?

Several years ago someone asked me what would be my dream job.  Without hesitation I answered "to write for a travel magazine."  (I told you - gamut).  To this day I would still say that is my dream job. So why am I looking in all of these different directions?  What about writing for a travel magazine still holds my fascination? Knowing me it's because I haven't tried to figure out a way to make it happen.

My last post has opened my eyes to my Luddite tendencies.   I prefer to hold a book (and to catch a whiff of "old book" as well) rather than a Kindle.  I miss getting letters from friends.  I've never been a fan of long drawn-out phone conversations - so I admit to liking the texting trend, but I still prefer a live conversation with an actual person over both of those options.  Sure there are conveniences that come with technological "improvements", but I sometimes worry if we're losing our connection to (and possibly our compassion for) our fellow humans.  It just feels like we're all in such a rush to get somewhere, do something, be faster and "better" ... we're missing the point and passing by some really amazing and beautiful things. 

I've been reading and hearing about a newish trend.  People are seeking out their roots.  They are looking for "the old."  It's like history is the "new thing" again.  This makes me happy.  While I think "Who Do You Think You Are?" is a fun TV show, I'd like to see more people have that kind of access to get in touch with their own heritage and roots.  I hope that this emerging trend of Heritage Tourism is a lasting one - and yet I hope that those historical places aren't trampled in the process of people exploring their past.

Call it kismet, a month ago I received a LivingSocial deal to get half-price fee for an 8 hour photography class.  I had recently bought a new DSLR camera and was clueless on how to use it (I even bought the Canon T2i for Dummies book!) so I decided to do it. 

Best. Decision. Ever!

I have found a new (and lasting) love of photography.  I started poking around the Internet (ok - that's another technology convenience I do like) and looking for jobs that involve photography.  I started thinking about that dream job again.  I started wondering if it was shallow to want to travel, take pictures, and then write about it.  I was a little worried that once again I was being distracted by the newest "shiny" idea.  I started trying to fit together all of these pieces of a puzzle and make it resemble some kind of new picture of the future.  It's really hard to do put together a puzzle when you aren't sure what the finished picture is supposed to look like. 

One of my favorite quotes is "Not all who wander are lost."  I've done a lot of wandering (and wondering).   In this recent wandering I've been trying to identify *what* exactly appeals to me in each of the options I've considered in the past.  I love being outside.  I love exploring.  I can hear a story being told by a place and want to capture it and share it.  I love digging in the dirt.  I love taking photos.  I want to be able to tell a story with a single picture.  I love to see a completed project - and knowing that "*I* did that."    I love to write, but recognize that I am out of practice and need to hone those skills.  I love opening perceived borders and boundaries in the world around us and letting people see there is more beyond their own neighborhood.  I have a desire to preserve our past by sharing the stories of significant places and people and their role in getting us to where we are today.  I want children to learn cursive (ok that one is just a personal mission and has nothing to do with the rest of this).

Now, I just have to figure out how to package all of this into one degree (if that's even necessary).  Can someone please tell me how you label this "profession"?

Until next time ... keep wandering my friends.  You'll discover some amazing things when you choose to meander rather than rush.

Absolutely Terrifying...

Last weekend I was sitting in my recliner, taking a break from yard-work, flipping through channels and ended up watching the most terrifying movie ever (to be fair, I've seen it before but for some reason this time it really disturbed me). Don’t get me wrong, I have seen my share of scary movies over the years, but none of them have given me nightmares or kept me up at night. This little movie just sort of snuck up on me.  It seduced me with an adorable animated character.  It tricked me with its love story.  It wormed its way into my brain and has since kept me up at nights worrying about how this really is not so far from being “real.”  And that terrifies me.

Yep.  This is the movie that’s been keeping me up at night.   I don’t know if it’s the endless landscape of garbage being piled up one small cube at a time, or if it’s the monotonous routine the little guy follows (or possibly the pet roach *shudder*).   Maybe it’s the fact that all life has been evicted off of the planet because of all the crap we waste/consume/throw away.  And it’s really not such a suspension of disbelief to see that is where we are headed.   How do we not see what we are doing to our home?  Landfills overflowing with plastic, junk, etc. and we keep making new places to dump it when this one is full.  Out of sight - out of mind.  This alone is distressing enough, but wait - there’s more.

Jump to the next part of the movie where we are shown “life” as it exists in exile.  The people “float” around rather than walk.  Everything is within arm’s reach.  There is a screen in front of everyone’s face and they communicate through technology … even when the person is sitting right next to them.  They are overweight, unable to interact directly, there is no effort made by them to do … well anything.   Are we really that far away from this scenario?  Already we text the person across the room; we resort to using Facebook to keep in touch with family and friends rather than send a letter or call (I’m as guilty of this as the next person); we hear about people feeling no inhibitions when it comes to attacking a reputation of someone via social media (cyber-bullying) - when did we stop caring about caring?  Students have access to a wealth of information now via the Internet … and yet they can’t write in cursive (and why bother teaching since no one is expected to be able to actually "write" anymore).  It seems to me we are dumber than ever.  We no longer educate our children at home - it’s the school’s job to do that, but the schools are no longer concerned with true education.  They only care about teaching kids how to pass a “big test”. 

The movie was bad enough, but then I kept running across different things that just seemed to lend support to this vision.  I caught a section of an episode of “Modern Marvels.”  I watched as some guy gushed about how homes of the future will be full of “gadgets” that do everything for you and how exciting this will be.  For instance, your front door will open and suggest you take an umbrella because it’s raining outside.  Really?  I need a door to tell me to take an umbrella?  Why is having a machine think for me considered progress?  What about the knife that will slice bananas for you - after you unpeel the banana, place it on the tray, scan your identity card, scan both thumbs, program slice thickness … uhm thanks I’m already done doing it the old-fashioned way.   

Later in the week, I thought watching "Cold Case" would be safe.  Oh no - the episode that I watched featured the story of a serial bomber who has become disillusioned with society and technology.  His bombing spree was triggered because his daughter, wracked with pain from cancer, had been waiting in the hospital for over two hours and couldn't be given anything for her pain because the computer system was down.  A physician's assistant "couldn't do anything" and "was sorry" - the subtext being that technology makes us as cold and impersonal as the machines.  The bomber targeted those he felt represented what was wrong in society; the physician's assistant at the hospital, the clerk at a "Big Box" store who told him that a defective product couldn't be returned because it was "over 30 days" and it would just be cheaper to throw it away and buy a new one, the brother who wouldn't give him the money to save their childhood home (and entire neighborhood) from being leveled to make way for a shopping center.   When he is caught he's sitting in a train station.  He mentions that his father had done the tile-work there and how that was when people took pride in their work and built things to last.  He's not wrong.

I’m all for technology.  I’m all in favor of technology that improves our lives (hey, refrigerators and flushing toilets are awesome), but I think we need to maintain a balance where technology helps us but doesn’t completely replace or render the "human factor" obsolete.   There are some things that nature does pretty well - an amazing balance and design if we allow it to do so.   How is it better when technology helps produce something that makes it easier to grow massive crops, but kills off the honeybee needed to pollinate those crops?   We continue to try and make things bigger and “better.”  We overproduce and then it goes to waste because we are selfish and we don’t share that abundance.  Why are there thousands of pounds of wasted food tossed from grocery stores when they are not purchased, and yet thousands of people in this country alone go to bed hungry every night?  Why do we feel it is important to flaunt success with an accumulation of “stuff” that gets thrown away at some point to make room for more stuff?  Why are willing to sacrifice our environment for convenience of a plastic water bottle?   

I don’t understand why the people who have an abundance of wealth don’t use it to make life better for others without worrying about being "paid back."  I don’t understand why big companies are willing to sacrifice the environment to make more money.  I don’t understand why we as inhabitants of this planet aren’t terrified about the direction in which we are headed.  Is it such a big problem that we can’t actually see it?  Or is it just easier to sleep at night because we ignore it?  Sort of like that broken electric toothbrush that’s now residing in a landfill some where … out of sight, out of mind.

In an effort to find some positive ... I do see a trend that people are trying to reduce their "footprint."  Gardens-as-landscape are growing in popularity (no pun intended).  Recycling programs are improving.  Bans on plastic bags encourage the use of reusable bags.  There is a fascination with "old-fashioned" methods (canning, homesteading, living "off grid", etc).   We still long for a connection of sorts with our fellow man.  Heck, even WALL-E craved companionship and thrived on curiosity and discovery.  I suppose the message to carry forward is that despite a bleak outlook - hope lies on the horizon.