Catch & Release

Online dating.  Yeah - I'm a part of that scene.  These days, you just about have to be.  I'm not a "bar scene" kind of person.  Besides, in this town the bar scene is jam-packed with college kids and it just gets annoying.  I remember the days when 10PM was when I started getting ready to go out.  Now - I'm starting to get ready for bed.

I'm not quite sure what I'm doing with my online profiles, but whatever it is it's not working.  I tried the whole "clever" approach - that didn't work (or the guys didn't bother to read it).  I've tried the "just the facts" approach (with a hint of humor) - that didn't work.  What in my profile indicates that I want a guy who is looking for his soal [sic] mate?  

I've met a few of the guys who did respond and recently, there was one who seemed very promising.  I actually was looking forward to meeting him in person.  I enjoyed the humor that came through in his email (side-note: I do not talk on the phone until I've met someone in person) and my last email from him was about making plans to meet.  Then ... nothing.

You have to understand that this guy went from "you've inspired me to buy a bike and I want to join your cycling team and ride in the MS150" to " ... *insert crickets chirping here* ...".  So, last week I sent him an email to follow up and ask when/if he'd still like to get together.  The response I got was:

I apologize greatly for not contacting earlier. You seem like an absolutely wonderful person... Anyway, I suspended my OKC profile because I met a very nice woman in October (after my last email to you). So far, the relationship is going shockingly well, and I am happy...

Women are the most complex and amazing creatures in the world. So, I can only handle one at a time! Sorry, I'll have to take a rain check on the coffee...

Good luck sweetheart,

I wish I could say this was the first time this had happened to me.  It's not.  In fact, I once commented that my dating history makes me feel like I'm part of the catch & release program.  In the past couple of years I've really been trying to learn to not take this personally. It's not that they found someone "better THAN me" - it's that they've found someone "better FOR them."  Still doesn't make it feel better though.  Especially when I've gone out with them and from my perspective there was a good connection and I was looking forward to Date #2.

Lately, I will admit that I've avoided the whole dating thing.  I try to tell myself it's because I don't have time to devote to making a new relationship work.  Truth is, I probably am overloading my plate so I will have the excuse to avoid the dating pond.  I know that my confidence has taken a hit because I haven't been pleased with my "exterior".  I've been noticing lately that my confidence seems to be coming back (thanks to 17 pounds lost!) and I'm feeling better about me as a whole.  With that came the decision to start wading back into the dating pool.  And wouldn't you know the first "bite" I had - I got thrown back.  But, I'm not giving up.

The other night I started thinking about a girl I know who put an ad out on Craigslist personals.  She was specific about what she wanted (and didn't want).  She's now in a great relationship with a guy who is "just right" for her.  So, of course I started composing my own "bare basics - no holds barred - this is what I want" profile.

Maybe I'll post it once I actually write it down.

Until later - gone fishing ....